The Incident on I-95, or, What Did I Learn Today?

First off, although this is a new blog, I already was at a loss for a topic for a few weeks. I guess I put pressure on myself to find the perfect topic- one that I find intersting enough to write about in an interesting enough way to keep you interested and coming back for the next post (did ya get all that? I had to read it twice myself). Sometimes I actually spend a couple hours or more putting a post together with good, accurate, and intersting info replete with appropriate pictures or links. So I think I'm doin' ok so far. Writing is something I've always enjoyed, even in school, but this is the first time I've done it for my own satisfaction. I'm sure I'll eventually loosen up and just free-associate with little editing or effort. Hopefully it'll work and this blog won't suck any worse than it does already, and I'll have more frequent posts.

Referring to the title of today's post, the incident took place all in a matter of less than a minute. This post will be a test to see if I can take a simple incident and turn it into a detailed and intriguing article; a demonstration to myself that I don't need the perfect topic in order to create interesting writing. However, if I am successful, I promise not to further challenge myself by writing about over-simplistic things such as... oh, I don't know... a box or cereal, my mailbox, or clipping my toenails.

So on to the incident itself. I'll only preface the following by saying that there were circumstances in my day, and ongoing issues in my life that put me in the state of mind that I am about to share with you. More about that later... Some of you will get a chuckle from it because you can relate. Others might wish to put me on medication. And still others will fear me and pray for my rotten, diseased soul. Read on, but hold off your judgements until after you read the final paragraph:

THE INCIDENT

I was getting on I-95 today. There was lots of traffic. The person entering the highway in front of me was going way too slow to properly merge with the speed of the traffic, so the inevitable horn blowing comes at me immediately from the guy behind me who had to slow down to let us in. I flip him the filthy, crusty, soiled bird (a.k.a. middle finger) in my rear-view which didn't bring nearly enough satisfaction for me. I then waited for a window of opportunity to get in the passing lane so I can get away from the lazy sloth in front of me and the horn-happy fucknut behind me. I made my move, accelerating very quickly to make sure I merge smoothly (my Maxima can move, baby, even if it is 7 years old). In the passing lane, the big-ass pickup truck behind me decides to speed up, get on my ass, and flash his headlights to let me know exactly how much I've inconvenienced his day despite my best efforts to not disrupt his flow. I retaliate by taking my foot off the gas to gradually slow down a bit (I didn't hit the brakes because then I would be the asshole, not him, and I like him being the asshole instead). After I clear past the original slow-ass fool (remember him?) and a few other calmer drivers in the slow lane, I have a clearing to change lanes again and let him fly by. I put my blinker on indicating my intentions, start to make my move, but don't... quite... make... the lane change. Not yet. I need to fuck with this guy. So I proceed to make the slowest lane change ever witnessed this side of the Connecticut River since back in '81 when my grandmother was still driving (God rest her soul). She would have been proud of my technique, but not my intentions. I expect this guy to fly up next to me, flipping me off and mouthing all kinds of death threats, swears, and the like. I was geared up and ready to pull out the previously mentioned filty, soiled, crusty bird, but surprisingly I didn't need to use it. I glared with a laserbeam stare that would have sent children running and crying for their parents were they ever to witness it, crusty bird primed and ready. To my surprise, he ended up passing me slowly and seemingly calm- not nearly in as much of a hurry as he was just mere moments before. I got nothing more than a casual glance from the passenger. It didn't make sense. I was somewhat relieved that this wasn't going to escalate or continue, yet still primed and ready for battle. It's like Alexander the Great amassing the fiercest battleforce ever assembled, arriving at the battlefield, only to discover his opponents are a bunch of handicapped girlscouts selling Tagalongs and Do-si-do's. I was forced to holster my weapons and stand down, beaten without a single drop of blood spilled- only overpriced cookie crumbs at my feet instead. I was killed with ambiguity and denied my right to slaughter. Ok, ok. Maybe I exaggerate just a bit. Perhaps it was more like this: I felt a sneeze coming on... any second now I'm gonna sneeze... ahh... ahh... but no "choo" in site. Gone. Hey, I'm just trying to keep this thing worth reading. A little drama peppered with humor and exaggeration never hurt anyone.

So back to reality. Back to being serious for a minute. There were incidents that led me to the frame of mind I was in when I entered that highway. One thing was frustration with an aging family member with whom I just had a frustrating encounter. Another issue is an ongoing health problem of mine coupled with the fact that it's kept me out of work since November. Being out of work brings a myriad of issues all it's own, both internal and external, which is another post all by itself. Add to it that I'm capable of thinking myself into a mental frenzy under the right set of circumstances, like the ones I just listed. But I'm also the kind of guy who wants to be a better person. I have made a LOT of mistakes in my life, particularly from my early-teens to my mid-twenties. I hurt myself and alot of people around me with my lifestyle back then. I even hurt people nowadays, but to a much, much lesser extent, and I usually try to make it right as soon as I have enough clarity to know what I've done, and muster up the willingness to do so. I do my best to take an honest look at myself and my actions, and I even try to beat myself to the punch before I make mistakes, whether it be mistakes with words or actions. I can say with clear confidence that I am a much better person today than I was in the past. I fall short at times, but the important part is that I try, and I take responsibility to the best of my ability.

Despite my desire to be a better man, I still allow myself to get into situations such as the one I just described above. On one hand, I could minimize the whole thing and continue blaming all the a$$hole drivers in this f'ed up world we live in. The problem with that, for me, is that I'm the one who ends up with the shitty ride home, the shitty day, the shitty outlook on life and on people in general. To break this down to it's core, having this outlook and these feelings on a regular basis is a waste of life's days. It adds up over time to result in a miserable existence. I don't want to be that guy. Do you? Hell no!

F*ck Off Island & Other Indulgences

Allow me to indulge in my fantasies and be completely materialistic for a minute. What would be better in this life than to be the proud owner of your very own private tropical island? I know, I know- money does not buy happiness, and if a miserable person gets on a plane in New York, then a miserable person will get off that plane on said island. But this is fantasy, remember?

Since there are so many private islands in this world, let's just talk about a few of the more famous ones. Johnny Depp bought a Bahamian island which he affectionately calls "Fuck Off Island", also known as Little Hall's Pond Cay. He paid around $3.5 million for it and, admirably, plans on installing a green hydrogen-based power system in an effort to be environmentally conscious. Poking around the internet, the latest news is that he plans on moving his family (hottie wife Vanessa Paradis and their 2 kids) to the island while he takes a break from working and she focuses on her career. Whatever. All I know is I want a tropical island where I can decide to retire for a fews months or years or whatever the hell I feel like at the time. Maybe once in a blue I'll come back to civilization for things like cousin Ruthie's wedding in East Bumfuck, NJ, or Uncle Mickey's retirement party from the Knights of Columbus after 75 years of exemplary service. But know this: I'm headed back to F*ck Off Island first thing in the morning.

Another private island of interest is Norman's Cay, also in the Bahamas. This slice of paradise was made famous in the movie Blow, starring... that's right- Johnny Depp (ok this developing Johnny Depp theme is not intentional even though I am a fan of his). For those who don't know, Blow is a movie which is based on the true story of George Jung, one of the pioneers of drug smuggling in the 70's and 80's. Jung's partner, Carlos Lehder, acquired Norman's Cay by buying it piece by piece and then building an airstrip on it. Since we're talking about excess here, this is a quote I found online from one of the inside guys in the smuggling operation: "Norman's Cay was a playground. I have a vivid picture of being picked up in a Land Rover with the top down and naked women driving to come and welcome me from my airplane... and there we partied. And it was a Sodom and Gomorrah... parties, sex, no police... you made the rules". Well needless to say, all those involved in the island and it's smuggling operations are now dead or behind bars. But somehow the movie left you feeling like you missed out on the opportunity for easy money, luxury, and pleasure. Like George Jung said at the end the movie, and I'm paraphrasing here, "I had a good life. I lived more than most people ever dream of, and I did it while I was young enough to enjoy it". Well let's all keep in mind here that Jung has been in prison since 1994 and isn't due to get out until 2014. Ouch. I think I'll forego the smuggling and hope for a meager retirement without the incarceration.

The last private island that stood out to me is Necker Island, owned by Sir Richard Branson. You may know Branson as the owner if Virgin Atlantic Airways, Virgin Megastores, and Virgin Records, among many others. He's also the guy who almost died a bunch of times trying to break records like flying a hotair balloon around the world and crossing both the Atlantic and Pacific in a yacht at record speeds. Necker is located in the British Virgin Islands and was bought by Branson in the 1979 for 125,000 British pounds (please don't ask me to convert the dollar value in the late 1970's). Of course he spent $10 million over 3 years developing it into what it is today. Complete with 2 private whitesand beaches, 14 bedrooms, 60 staff members, jacuzzis, tennis courts, high-end dining, and any watersport you can think of, anything at all- if they don't have it today, they'll go get it for you tomorrow. Supposedly Branson stays there once in a while when it's not rented out. By the way, the cost is about $23,500 per couple for a weeks stay. If I had that kind of money to waste, I'd just buy my own island. But then there's the development, upkeep, maintenance, staff, payroll, etc.

While it's nice to dream, I doubt the day will come when I own my very own island. The best I can hope for is for my wife and I to retire to a mainland beach town in her native Thailand, which actually is not so far fetched. It happens to be our goal, so wish us luck. In the meantime, maybe Johnny Depp would put me up for a week on F*ck Off. We could even invite those girls in the Land Rover from Norman's Cay...

Where the F**k Is The Beef, You Wanker!?!

I have to admit I'm a big fan of Gordon Ramsey's TV shows. I get a kick out of watching him completely blast someone with personal insults and humiliation at the top of his lungs. And the bloody Brit accent just makes it that much more intriguing.

I took the liberty of creating typical scenarios that might be heard and seen regularly on Ramsey's shows... take a look below. It just might make a fan out of you if you're not already.

An Excerpt from Hell's Kitchen

Gordon: You!! Why the f*ck do you have more mash than beans on that f*cking plate?!!

Trainee: I'm sorry chef. I was distracted because my hair is on fire and I accidently cut my hand off with a rusty meat cleaver. Plus my mother is dying at home as we speak, sir. It won't happen again chef.

Gordon: BOLLOCKS!! You stupid pig!! Get out!!! Where did you learn to cook? You call yourself a chef?? My pet sheep could do better than you on his way to the slaughterhouse!!

An Excerpt from Kitchen Nightmares

Gordon: This food is dreadful! The entire menu in this restaurant is NOT GOOD ENOUGH! (runs to bathroom to puke like never before) You're a stupid, fat, lazy, gutless pig and if you don't fire your entire restaurant staff then you're a gutless wanker and I'm leaving back to Scotland!!

Owner: But chef, my great-great-great grandfather who was a Revolutionary War hero personally designed this restaurant and our menu has been passed down for generations. Sir, people come from miles around just to wait in line for our famous dishes.

Gordon: Shut up!! I don't give a damn about your damn grandpappy's menu! It's absolutely dreadful! Thank God he's no longer around to create any more of the disgusting dishes!! He did you a favor when he was killed by a flaming cannonball fired by the Redcoats while trying to defend his family and home. He was a gutless f*cking wanker just like you!!!! Now GET OUT!!!

Owner: But... this is MY restaurant chef.





Yep, Gordon Ramsey- what's not to love?

Spring Was Here Just A Minute Ago- I Swear...

Like someone once said, "If you don't like the weather in New England, just wait a minute". After last weekends spring tease, it's probably safe to say we are all ready for some steady sunshine. Unfortunately all we've gotten this week so far is cold rain and sleet (today is shaping up ok so far, but it's no spring day). You'd think that having grown up in Connecticut I'd be used to this consistently inconsistent weather by now, but that ain't the case. But I have to say I definitely roll with the weather changes much smoother than my wife, who grew up in the equatorial country of Thailand. If I had a Thai baht (their currency) for every time I heard her say "what's wrong with the weather in this country?!" I'd have enough money to buy a raincoat from a street vendor in Bangkok, and maybe even enough left over for a Thai iced tea.

On the bright side, having crappy weather makes you appreciate the good stuff. Sub-zero wind chills and mounds of snow make chirping birds and sunny blue skies all that much sweeter, right? When you think about it, we're never happy- in the cold blustery winter we want the warm spring so we can go outside without getting frostbite. In spring we want the nice hot summer so we can go to the beach or the pool, and watch people's clothes get all the more skimpy (oh yeah). In the sweltering hot summer we want the nice cool fall so we don't have to bleed sweat with the slightest exertion. That leaves the fall. Fall gets a bad rap because it's the lead-in to winter. Fall is like the "Sunday" of seasons. Sunday by itself is not so bad, but the fact that it leads into Monday makes it the bane of the weekend. That's what fall is to winter.

So what this all boils down to is this- we might be better off accepting this schizophrenic weather for what it is, and maybe even trying to appreciate it. Or we could move to more temperate climates, which is not a bad idea providing you are willing and brave enough to give up local friends, family, employment, etc. Either way, it's not going to change in the immediate future. I suggest all of us New Englanders hang on to our properties because, who knows, after global warming kicks in, we just might get lucky and live in tropical beachside communities right where we are!

The Power of Facebook

What is Facebook? For me, the answer to that question has changed over the past couple months. Prior to signing up, I had a preconceived idea of what it was- a site just like MySpace for teenyboppers who thrive on drama, who's hooking up with who, and what so-and-so said about so-and-so. They all tYpEd LikE tHiS to simulate graffiti in an effort to sound/look ghetto, they all listened to rap music, and they were all 14 years old acting like 18 year olds.

Now that I've actually created a Facebook account, I realize I was wrong. My idea that Facebook was just another MySpace is out the window. I now see Facebook as an amazing tool for getting in touch with people from the past who I never expected to be in touch with again; a way to connect people with long lost friends, family, acquaintences, and even some former undesireables with whom one may want to start a clean slate. The funny thing is, I didn't have any real desire to find many lost contacts from my past when I signed up. I was not tossing and turning at night wondering what happened to anyone, and my life would have continued on unphased had I never joined. I signed up out of curiosity after hearing some of my peers talk about it. And I'm glad that I did.

People I have reconnected with include childhood friends, classmates from grade school and high school, former coworkers, long lost family, and most importantly, some people who were very good friends at different points in my life. There are friends who I spent some of the formative years of my life growing up with that I had not been in touch with for 10 to 20 or more years. In addition, it's a way to maintain contact with current friends, family, and acquaintances- not just from the past.

One might say, "I don't need to reconnect with anyone from my past. I have no desire to seek people out and rekindle a connection to anyone- my life is complicated enough." Fair enough. I can't argue with that. But another cool thing about Facebook is that Facebook itself is a "meeting place". There is not necessarily a need to physically meet anyone, or even call anyone (unless one chooses to do so). It is somewhat of a live pipeline where the latest news, photos, thoughts, accompishments, interests, and status of your connections are a click away. Very little effort is required to do the Facebook thing.

The power of Facebook to connect people to one another is an amazing phenomenon. It's another example of how technology has changed our society (keep in mind the internet only became popular and widely used just 10 years ago). Now we just need someone to invent the teleporter so we can go visit everyone on our friends list.

http://www.facebook.com/

U2 Live- Those Who Have Been There Know...

U2 played a free concert at Fordham University in the Bronx today, which was broadcast live on Good Morning America. I woke up earlier than I wish I did and happended to click on the TV just in time to catch the live set. They played 3 songs from their brand new CD along with the more familiar "Beautiful Day". Having seen them live a couple times myself, I know there's a certain feeling in the air at their shows. Call it spirituality, call it euphoric comeraderie, call it people coming together... those who have been there know.

My first U2 show experience was an accident. It was the Popmart tour in June of '97 at Giants Stadium, NJ. My favorite band Rage Against the Machine was touring with U2 (they're both politically outspoken) and they are the reason I bought the ticket. Unbeknownst to me, Rage's leg of the tour was done- grrr!! They would not be playing and I was hugely disappointed. Well I stayed through the warmup band which was the Fun Lovin' Criminals who I did happen to be a fan of, and figured I would stay for U2 since we drove so far. Besides, I did like a couple of their songs at the time (they were too soft for me, because, after all, I was a headbanging thrasher. Respect.) Let me just say that from the time U2 hit the stage until the very last note they played, there was an electricity in the air that I had never felt before. Sign me up. I was hooked. They got me. To say that I was like the Winter Warlock from "Santa Clause Is Coming To Town" and my cold heart had just been melted by a toy train gift from Kris Kringle is a bit of a stretch, I think. But a seed was planted.

My second experience at a U2 show was in Hartford in December of '05. I went to this concert with intentionally lowered expectations because, after all, how could this concert be anywhere close in electricity and energy as the last? Well guess what... Let's just say U2 demonstrated that it was not a one time fluke eight years earlier.

I've been to probably over 100 concerts in my 39 years, from many genres of music. Nowhere else have I experienced this spiritual high. Somehow this band has managed to write songs about love, God, and spirituality, mixed with social and political awareness, and still remain one of the coolest and most popular bands on the planet. To witness and partake in this phenomenon live in concert is like taking a reprieve from the evils of the world, the bleak news of the day, the dark cloud that tends to lurk over us on a daily basis. Both times I saw them live, I left the show wishing that the good-will, feel-good attitude that I had, that the thousands of us fans had, could be the norm felt by all every day (starting with the governments of the world! Yes, U2 tends to make you think along these overzealous lines). It brings a combination of hope and despair- hope that people's eyes will open up, and despair that that probably won't happen (Note to self: it's just a rock concert for Christ's sake!).

Here I catch myself writing about the equivalent of world peace (yeah right), but this is what happens at these shows- I kid you not. I suppose there are those who have had a different experience than I, but I know many others who agree. The way I see it, anyone with a heart and a soul will come away from a U2 show feeling better than when they arrived. Check 'em out- it's one of the few shows worth today's hefty ticket prices.

Birth of a Blog

On a whim and without a gameplan, this blog is now created. That's right- I have no idea what this blog will be about. Let's call it an experiment that may or may not be interesting enough to continue. We shall see.

What, you might ask, will be posted in this blog? Anything from rambling thoughts to funny links, political banter to family pics, health updates to bitching and moaning. More will be revealed!

To start things off, here's a link to a funny video clip:
http://www.break.com/index/failed-pogo-stick.html