The Incident on I-95, or, What Did I Learn Today?

First off, although this is a new blog, I already was at a loss for a topic for a few weeks. I guess I put pressure on myself to find the perfect topic- one that I find intersting enough to write about in an interesting enough way to keep you interested and coming back for the next post (did ya get all that? I had to read it twice myself). Sometimes I actually spend a couple hours or more putting a post together with good, accurate, and intersting info replete with appropriate pictures or links. So I think I'm doin' ok so far. Writing is something I've always enjoyed, even in school, but this is the first time I've done it for my own satisfaction. I'm sure I'll eventually loosen up and just free-associate with little editing or effort. Hopefully it'll work and this blog won't suck any worse than it does already, and I'll have more frequent posts.

Referring to the title of today's post, the incident took place all in a matter of less than a minute. This post will be a test to see if I can take a simple incident and turn it into a detailed and intriguing article; a demonstration to myself that I don't need the perfect topic in order to create interesting writing. However, if I am successful, I promise not to further challenge myself by writing about over-simplistic things such as... oh, I don't know... a box or cereal, my mailbox, or clipping my toenails.

So on to the incident itself. I'll only preface the following by saying that there were circumstances in my day, and ongoing issues in my life that put me in the state of mind that I am about to share with you. More about that later... Some of you will get a chuckle from it because you can relate. Others might wish to put me on medication. And still others will fear me and pray for my rotten, diseased soul. Read on, but hold off your judgements until after you read the final paragraph:

THE INCIDENT

I was getting on I-95 today. There was lots of traffic. The person entering the highway in front of me was going way too slow to properly merge with the speed of the traffic, so the inevitable horn blowing comes at me immediately from the guy behind me who had to slow down to let us in. I flip him the filthy, crusty, soiled bird (a.k.a. middle finger) in my rear-view which didn't bring nearly enough satisfaction for me. I then waited for a window of opportunity to get in the passing lane so I can get away from the lazy sloth in front of me and the horn-happy fucknut behind me. I made my move, accelerating very quickly to make sure I merge smoothly (my Maxima can move, baby, even if it is 7 years old). In the passing lane, the big-ass pickup truck behind me decides to speed up, get on my ass, and flash his headlights to let me know exactly how much I've inconvenienced his day despite my best efforts to not disrupt his flow. I retaliate by taking my foot off the gas to gradually slow down a bit (I didn't hit the brakes because then I would be the asshole, not him, and I like him being the asshole instead). After I clear past the original slow-ass fool (remember him?) and a few other calmer drivers in the slow lane, I have a clearing to change lanes again and let him fly by. I put my blinker on indicating my intentions, start to make my move, but don't... quite... make... the lane change. Not yet. I need to fuck with this guy. So I proceed to make the slowest lane change ever witnessed this side of the Connecticut River since back in '81 when my grandmother was still driving (God rest her soul). She would have been proud of my technique, but not my intentions. I expect this guy to fly up next to me, flipping me off and mouthing all kinds of death threats, swears, and the like. I was geared up and ready to pull out the previously mentioned filty, soiled, crusty bird, but surprisingly I didn't need to use it. I glared with a laserbeam stare that would have sent children running and crying for their parents were they ever to witness it, crusty bird primed and ready. To my surprise, he ended up passing me slowly and seemingly calm- not nearly in as much of a hurry as he was just mere moments before. I got nothing more than a casual glance from the passenger. It didn't make sense. I was somewhat relieved that this wasn't going to escalate or continue, yet still primed and ready for battle. It's like Alexander the Great amassing the fiercest battleforce ever assembled, arriving at the battlefield, only to discover his opponents are a bunch of handicapped girlscouts selling Tagalongs and Do-si-do's. I was forced to holster my weapons and stand down, beaten without a single drop of blood spilled- only overpriced cookie crumbs at my feet instead. I was killed with ambiguity and denied my right to slaughter. Ok, ok. Maybe I exaggerate just a bit. Perhaps it was more like this: I felt a sneeze coming on... any second now I'm gonna sneeze... ahh... ahh... but no "choo" in site. Gone. Hey, I'm just trying to keep this thing worth reading. A little drama peppered with humor and exaggeration never hurt anyone.

So back to reality. Back to being serious for a minute. There were incidents that led me to the frame of mind I was in when I entered that highway. One thing was frustration with an aging family member with whom I just had a frustrating encounter. Another issue is an ongoing health problem of mine coupled with the fact that it's kept me out of work since November. Being out of work brings a myriad of issues all it's own, both internal and external, which is another post all by itself. Add to it that I'm capable of thinking myself into a mental frenzy under the right set of circumstances, like the ones I just listed. But I'm also the kind of guy who wants to be a better person. I have made a LOT of mistakes in my life, particularly from my early-teens to my mid-twenties. I hurt myself and alot of people around me with my lifestyle back then. I even hurt people nowadays, but to a much, much lesser extent, and I usually try to make it right as soon as I have enough clarity to know what I've done, and muster up the willingness to do so. I do my best to take an honest look at myself and my actions, and I even try to beat myself to the punch before I make mistakes, whether it be mistakes with words or actions. I can say with clear confidence that I am a much better person today than I was in the past. I fall short at times, but the important part is that I try, and I take responsibility to the best of my ability.

Despite my desire to be a better man, I still allow myself to get into situations such as the one I just described above. On one hand, I could minimize the whole thing and continue blaming all the a$$hole drivers in this f'ed up world we live in. The problem with that, for me, is that I'm the one who ends up with the shitty ride home, the shitty day, the shitty outlook on life and on people in general. To break this down to it's core, having this outlook and these feelings on a regular basis is a waste of life's days. It adds up over time to result in a miserable existence. I don't want to be that guy. Do you? Hell no!